This Woman

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All my life I have been lead to believe that I was unworthy of so much. That I did not deserve to be loved like my heart cried out for. That I was nothing, and as nothing, I should not expect to be cherished and treasured for what I am. The people that treated me like this and made me believe this was wrong. I am worthy of so much more than I have settled for in my life.

I will first start with my worthiness as a submissive.  My submission comes from my heart. It is not something I do just to have someone in my life or just because it seems to be the latest fad. I AM a submissive, a slave. I obey and serve with all that I am. That in itself makes me worthy of the wonderful Dominance that is shown to me. Pleasing my Master, my Daddy, brings me so much happiness. I do not have to settle for crumbs -for leftovers – just because my insecurities rear their ugly head. Just as the wants and needs of the Dominant I am serving matters, so does mine. My submission is worth being treasured because it is unique and special. Although others may offer their submission, it cannot replace what I have to offer. That is something that I need to remember. If my submission is so easily replaced, then the one I gave it to do not respect it nor me and therefore, did not deserve my submission. I do not say that out of conceit. I say that in knowing that I am worthy.

The next thing I will speak of is the value of my heart and my love. Yes, my heart has scars, but it is still capable of giving so much love. That love, like my submission, is unique because it is MY love that is being given. Although, the ones I love may be loved by others, it is not my love. The ones I love may love others, but what they give to me is special and unique because it for me. It is because they love the person that I am. Fearing that my love can be easily replaced is only letting my insecurities override my value to the ones that I love and who love me. It is also being disrespectful to them, because it is not valuing the love that is given to me.

And lastly the complete picture of who I am and what I am worth. I do not see myself through rose colored glasses. I am not a beautiful woman. I am not even sure I would say I was pretty. BUT, I have a wonderful loving heart. I care for people and do my best to help them even when I am often overlooked. I am loyal and dedicated to the ones I give my heart to. Sometimes to the point that I allow myself to be abused or I put myself behind others. In doing this at times, because of my insecurities, I automatically assume that the ones I love will do the same. That is not giving the ones I love credit for seeing all of me and being able to love me and being able to put my wants and needs in the proper place in their life. Yes, when you are poly, you have to accept that sometimes one of the other people may need the ones you love more than you need them. And that is the way it should be. BUT the ones I love WILL put my wants and needs first when mine is what is needing their attention at the time.

As I was saying about my physical appearance. I have not had an easy life. Life itself has taken its toll at times. I have put my service of others (even when I did not know I was submissive) ahead of my own wellbeing. I have sacrificed my physical being to help others. The same goes for my mental wellbeing. Just being the person I am in the career I have loved has done its damage. I am also a mother and grandmother who has sacrificed to make sure they have what they need and a lot of what they want. The same goes for being a good wife even when it has not been what I needed, wanted, or deserved.

But I know that I have a beautiful spirit that shines through. That loving and giving heart that is fiercely loyal and so easily hurt (even though I hide it so many times) is a precious thing too. My submission that comes from my very soul all combine to make a lovely person. Physical beauty may not be mine to claim, but the total picture of me is beautiful.  All of these things combined means that – to the ones that truly love all of me – I AM worthy of being loved and cherished and needed the way that I am. And because I am loved the way that I am, no one can just replace me in the heart of the ones that love me. I have to look at myself through the eyes of the ones that love me and know that no pretty face (or sexy bottom) can take away the way they feel about me. I am unique. I am special. I am loved.

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