Growing and Changing

Growing and Changing

These wonderful words were shared with me by a Master that is a dear friend and very dear to my heart.

Everyone has limits – even if they try to deny it. There are things that you just can’t bring yourself to even attempt much less enjoy – and that is fine. Never let anyone try to force you into trying something that you cannot handle. Someone that does not honor your limits is not worthy of your submission. That is a bully not a Dominant.

Now i am not saying that your Dominant shouldn’t push your soft limits because it is good if he/she does, because that helps you grow in your submission. Pushing them without going beyond them is something that i love that my Sir does for me. In doing so i have grown so much already as a submissive.

This is a reason why i encourage everyone to complete either a BDSM Checklist or write down what they have done, willing to do, what you will try, what is a soft limit, and what is hard limit and keep it. Every few months bring it out and look at it. Look and see what has changed. Nothing may not change for a while. But over time, you may find yourself smiling to yourself as you see that things you are willing to try are now on your Have Done list.

And then you notice that things that were limits are now being moved into your willing to try or possible have done list. Sit down with your Dominant and discuss the changes with him/her. This helps your Dominant as well as you. And if he has done a checklist – who knows, maybe some of his/her limits have changed too – especially if they are new to the lifestyle and the 2 of you have been exploring the lifestyle together.

This discussion/renegotiation is important and should be done as your wants and needs change, because there is no way that your Dominant will know unless you tell them. A Dominant is a lot of things, but a mind reader he/she is not. They may be able to read you many times but it always helps to discuss these things openly and honestly. I will say once again, if the Dominant brushes aside your desire to discuss these things – rethink your relationship. A good Dominant is always will to discuss your relationship. Make sure that both of you are relaxed, have nothing pressing going on, and you have plenty of time to talk. You never want to rush these things.

Everyone changes and you may be completely surprised at how much you have grown. Never feel disappointed because you still have soft and hard limits – everyone has them as i said earlier. I can promise you, if anyone ever tells you that they have no limits – they have probably never set down and done a BDSM checklist and seen the wide variety of things that people are interested in this lifestyle. If they have found a Dominant that has the same limits that they do – then they do not have any limits with THAT Dominant – but they still have limits.