Consensual Non-Consent


This is a topic of controversy in the BDSM community. It also has different meanings to different people. Make sure that when you discuss CNC with your  partner that both of you are on the same page.  It could save both of you a lot of heartache down the road.

For some, CNC is the ultimate in commitment in a Master/slave relationship. It goes beyond the slave not using the word “no” but also removes the use of safe words from the equation. The slave is completely and totally at the Master’s will, no matter what. i personally, see this as being unsafe because a safe word is not used to control the scene, but to allow the submissive – whether sub or slave -to let the Dominant know when they have reached their limits if trying something new, or they are having an issue of some sort that needs attention. Anyone that sees using a safe word as controlling a scene, or controlling the Dominant, really needs to take a step back and do more research. They have obviously skipped over a vital part that could be the difference in playing and permanent damage.

I myself have always seen CNC play as being a part of rape play, kidnapping scenes, etc. It is something that has been fully discussed and each party is well aware of the risks that they are taking in this kind of play. It can be a serious trigger for someone that has suffered through abuse or rape. The person you are having a CNC scene with must be able to tell that you have been triggered and that it is not part of the scene so that they can stop and take care of you. It is also why i feel it is vital to have a safeword or signal if you feel that this type of play is beginning to trigger suppressed or repressed memories.

CNC should ONLY be done with someone that you KNOW will never ever push past  a hard limit. No matter what they are going to do, they will still honor the limits that you have set in the beginning of your relationship. Dominants – you should only do a CNC scene with someone that you know really well and know their triggers and limits. Doing one of these scenes with someone that you are unfamiliar with can lead to jail time for you. They can and have used the fact that they were telling you no during the scene that you raped and assaulted them. This is a risk with any BDSM scene, but even more so with a CNC scene.

I am not trying to talk anyone out of doing CNC scenes. On the contrary – if it is what brings both of you pleasure, go for it. What i am trying to do is point out that there is even more risk with these type scenes and for both parties to protect themselves emotionally and physically – and for the Dominants, legally. Yes there is a legal issue with any type of BDSM play in most places, but it is especially an issue with CNC play.

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