I know that there are many people who think that we that practice a BDSM lifestyle are damaged. Or for the ones that live a poly lifestyle, that it is wrong and need to be saved from their self-destructive ways. They are wrong, so very wrong. We are normal, productive people who happen to have different needs and desires than the average person. I would like to address these topics here.
First, I would like to address the BDSM lifestyle and the people who practice it. We are not this way because we have been abused as a child. Yes there are Dominants that were abused, but there are many that had a completely normal, happy childhood. And looking at the abuse side of it, most people that abuse do not practice this lifestyle. To be a Dominant, you must have control of yourself…an abuser does not. Contrary to 50 Shades of Grey, a Dom is not that way because he had an abusive childhood. He/she is simply a Dominant personality that had a tragic upbringing and overcome it. So do not try to save him. He does not need saving if he is a true Dominant.
As for a submissive – male or female – it is a part of who they are. Once again it is the same thing, they are submissive DESPITE being abused not because of it. I have been in abusive relationships –as a child and in a vanilla relationship. I have also had a bad Dom, when I was first entering this lifestyle. What all three of those had in common was the fact that it made me feel less than everyone else. I felt beat down, not worthy of love.
I have had two wonderful Dominants since then. The difference is black and white. I was built up, encouraged, cherished. Their treatment of me made me want to give them more…to be a better submissive. They value (d) my submission and me and encouraged me to be a better person – in the lifestyle and in the vanilla world. My self-confidence grows every day. That is what my Sir gives me with his love and dominance.
As far as poly relationships – they have been around forever. Today’s culture looks down on them, but it is because they do not understand the love that is in these relationships. I know a man in RL that is married to two women and has kids with both. You could not ask for happier people. The children are loved and well-adjusted. Something that is hard to find in many kids today. However, these two women both know that they are loved by their husband. They care for each other and help each other. The kids know that they are loved and know that each of them are treated the same. They are loved and adored by all three parents. It is a joy to see in this day and time when kids are often mistreated and abandoned.
So remember, just because you do not understand something does not make it wrong. Just because someone lives a lifestyle that you do not understand, does not make it wrong. Take the time and try to see that they are healthy and happy. They are fulfilled and well-adjusted. Just as with so many people – they may be different, but they are not damaged. ~kayngel~