Trust and Honesty

I am going to speak on a couple of topics that it seems to be coming up more than should in a D/s relationship -they should be a given- trust and honesty.

Without honesty there can be no trust. A submissive is putting her heart and her safety into a Dominant’s hands. She has to be able to trust Him completely. Now i am speaking from a female’s viewpoint as i am a female but it is the same regardless if you are a male sub or in a MM or FF relationship. If he is dishonest, hides things, how can you trust him? If he breaks your contract or puts anyone besides family and his job ahead of you, how can you lay your love and submission and trust at his feet?

The simple truth is you can’t. No matter how much it hurts, you have to accept that your love and submission does not mean as much to him as you need it to or that he led you to believe. No one’s wants or happiness outside of his family should come ahead of you. If you feel like your feelings do not matter – guess what? They probably don’t. If he has planted doubts in your mind and does not do anything to try to correct it, the plain hard facts is he doesn’t care.

I have had some subs come to me and tell me that their Master hides their relationship. The first thing i ask them -is it legitimate? Many have to hide this side of their life due to their job, or because they have family members that just will not understand. Do to that fact, you have to accept that he is never going to be able to claim you publicly as his sub. However, he should not hide you are a part of his life. If he wants your friends to know you are in a relationship but he hides it from his friends – you can it is so he is free to play.

If you have caught him cheating – hiding his relationships from you, telling you that you are his only one – then you have some decisions to make. Are you going to forgive him? Are you going to end it? If you chose to forgive him remember he is the one that broke that trust and He is the one that has to work to earn your trust again. Just because you forgave him does not mean he is automatically trusted again. If he does not try to earn your trust again, obviously he does not think it is worth it. Think hard on your relationship and what you mean to him.

What do you do when you catch him cheating and being dishonest again? Are you going to forgive him again? The odds are he is never going to change and you have to decide if you can handle being treated like you are unworthy of his respect. And this where you have to decide if you are worthy of being shown love and respect or do you truly believe you do not deserve to be treated any better?

Now i am not going to let this be one-sided. The same goes for a submissive that does not show their Dominant the love and respect he deserves. If she is being dishonest, if you feel that you are not her priority -besides her family and job- then odds are you are right. Are you going to remain in a D/s relationship where the submissive is not showing her Dominant the love and respect that he deserves as her Dominant, then he needs to let her go. If she hides your relationship for reasons other than what i mentioned above – then odds are, she wants to have her cake and eat it too.

The simple fact is, it is very hard to end a D/s relationship. There is a connection there that is unlike any vanilla relationship i have ever been in. I understand that it can be so very painful to think about ending such a powerful relationship. But be honest with yourself – if the relationship hurts more than it builds you up- if you feel that you are not enough, and talking about it with your partner does not fix the problem – how much more could you really hurt? ~kayngel Hatcher~

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