Discipline & Punishment

Many times Discipline and/or Punishment is confused with the scenes between a Dominant and submissive or used interchangeable when discussing correction of a submissive. Although the pain/pleasure delivered during play may be similar to that used during punishment – it is actually 2 entirely different things. I am going to be discussing how Discipline and Punishment is used during the training of a submissive.

Discipline is the used to teach proper behavior and obedience. It can be rules that are set down for the submissive to follow and/or accompanied by direct instruction by your Dominant. Discipline is used train your submissive physically and mentally to be the submissive you want them to be. It can be training in how to kneel, walk, stand, even speak, according to what your agreed upon relationship calls for. Submissives trained to be slaves follow a stricter discipline many times than subs due to the level of service that a slave is called upon to give.

Punishment is imposed upon a submissive to control or correct bad behavior. It must be clear that the punishment is being delivered due to the submissive’s misbehavior. If the submissive enjoys it – it is not going to correct the bad behavior, and only encourage more of it.  This leads to a vicious cycle of misbehavior and reward. Although it may be amusing at first, it is – in fact- the reason many submissives are released and they do not understand why. Just as a child’s misbehavior can be funny at first, it begins to become annoying. However, because rewards for misbehavior was given, the submissive will continue to do what gets them what they want instead of communicating clearly what their needs are.

Punishment can be physical, such as a spanking or paddling (if it is not something enjoyable to the submissive, and as long as it does not go against hard limits).  It can be made to write lines or even an essay on why their behavior was wrong and what it should and will be from now on. For littles, it can be sitting in the corner without any of their favorite toys or being sent to time out in their room. Holding a coin against the wall with their nose (whether standing on their toes or not) for a period of time is another example of punishment for misbehavior and can be modified as the Dominant wishes.

For many submissives, knowing that their Dominant is disappointed in their behavior, attitude, or actions will bring about a change quickly – as long as the Dominant is consistent in what he/she does not allow from the submissive. For some, especially slaves, the drive to be as close to perfect as possible for their Dominant will lead to only a look or simple but quietly spoken verbal correction will do the trick.

There are many different forms of punishment that can be used to correct misbehavior in a submissive. It should be a part of the negotiations when discussing your relationship, along with rewards for good behavior. Remember – what will work with one submissive will not work on another, and it is the responsibility of the Dominant to learn his submissive so that he can use the least amount of punishment to correct the behavior/actions that displeases or disappoints the Dominant. For example, a submissive may not finish a task assigned to them and they do not have a good reason for it. A time out or writing lines could make sure this doesn’t happen again. However, misbehavior in front of others that brings embarrassment to the Dominant could well be worth a more harsh punishment. Just as rewards should be given as earned, punishments must be doled out in the same manner.

First and foremost, never punish the submissive while you are angry. You need to let them know as soon as you can that they have broken a rule or misbehaved, but it should be done calmly. You should explain why the submissive is being punished. Make sure they are aware how their behavior made you feel. Make sure that the submissive is clear on what rule was broken.  Before punishing the submissive, be sure and also listen to the submissive. If there are underlying issues for the behavior, it does not necessarily take away from the punishment, but it may temper the level of punishment that they are given on this occasion.

Finally, make sure that they know that you have forgiven them. Submissives can carry a punishment around a lot longer than they should if they feel they severely disappointed their Dominant. Sit down with the submissive after the punishment has been completely and let them speak about how they feel. Just as you explained how their behavior made you feel, let them know how resulting issuing of punishment made you feel.  Keep the discussion calm, and once it is done, the submissive is forgiven. Period.

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