What I am about to write is strictly my opinion only. You may agree or disagree and that is fine. But i hope it may help some as they begin their journey into BDSM.

I see so many times people thinking that they are a sub or Dom because they enjoy pain play  or bondage in the bedroom. And you may be. However, I believe many times it is based on a lack of truly understanding what BDSM means, and what is covered under the BDSM umbrella. I also believe this is what leads to people getting involved in relationships that leave them unhappy or unsatisfied.

The first thing i would like to discuss is the BD in BDSM. It means Bondage and Discipline. This is the part that covers the part where people who enjoy kinky play only. It is similar to the S&M portion that i am going to speak of later, just not as intense. They are usually referred to as Tops or bottoms and can be switches also. There is nothing wrong with only enjoying Bondage and Discipline, it is just important that you make it clear that this is what you are seeking when searching for a potential partner.

DS is the Dominance and submission portion that most people are familiar with. You can be a Dominant/Master or a submissive/slave in this dynamic. The Caregiver (Daddy or Mommy)/little is also covered under this portion. Under the Dominance and submission heading, there is a  power exchange of some sort. It can be 24/7 TPE as in a M/s relationship or it can be only during agreed upon times, under agreed upon rules. Many times there is Bondage and Discipline and even Sadomasochism in a D/s or M/s relationship – but it does not have to be.  A submissive can submit fully to a Dominant and it never have any kinky/bondage/pain play in the picture. Many times you will see these people calling themselves Sensual Doms and subs to clarify that they are not into pain play. This does not mean that a submissive does not have discipline in their life nor does it mean that they are not punished.

I know some are not sure where the CG/little dynamic falls under the BDSM umbrella but it falls under the DS portion. Even without pain play, there is a power exchange involved in this dynamic. The Daddy/Mommy is expected to care for, look out for, and help shape and mold the little. The little is expected to respect and obey what the caregiver says to them. And although a little can be (doesn’t have to be) a bit more mischievous than a sub or slave, the CG can and does discipline and punish a little – just in a different manner than a Dom or Master may with their sub or slave.

The last part of the BDSM acronym is S&M. Sadists and masochists can be found without the power exchange of a Ds relationship. A Sadist derives pleasure – sometimes sexual-from inflicting pain and/or humiliation to another. A masochists derives pleasure from pain. A Sadist does not need to Dominate to be fulfilled as a Dom/Master does. He/she needs to give pain to another. A masochist may not have a submissive bone in their bodies, but still needs pain inflicted upon them.

As you can see Polyamory is not covered in the acronym. There are many that practice Ds relationships that also practice polyamory – but it is not given that a Dominant have multiple submissives. Polyamory is the ability to love more than one person. So many D/s and M/s relationships are happily monogamous. There are also plenty of polyamorous relationships that there are absolutely no power exchange or kinky play in. It is just the ability to love more than one person. It’s one similarity to a Ds relationship is the fact that it must have complete honesty and open communication for it to work. But then again that is any relationship.

I hope that this will help some as they start their journey in BDSM. I hope it helps you define what it is you are looking for, and to help avoid some pitfalls that many have gone through.