I guess being in a poly relationship is not easy for some to understand. Many do not see how you can love more than one person at a time. Others wonder how jealousy is handled. These are the top two questions that I hear. I am sure there are a lot more, and I will do my best to try to answer any that I get.
Since I first got involved in this lifestyle, I have been in poly relationships. It is truly the only way I know. My first hurdle was accepting that a person’s heart was big enough to love more than one person. We love multiple people in every other type of relationship we have so why is it so hard to accept that you can love more than one person romantically? It really was a *facepalm* moment for me.
There are many in this lifestyle that truly love their vanilla spouses/partners, but also love their Dominants/submissives. It is a complicated, but many do make it work. Others are left with hard decisions to make, having realized that they were Dominant or submissive long after marriage. But that is a topic for another article.
My first Master was online. He had a real life slave that treated me very well. He also had part – time subs that I did not have any contact with. I did not go into that relationship with love in my heart for Him, but with much respect. Of course – as is typical with many submissives- I did grow to love Him.He treated me like I was very special to Him and He was always encouraging as I learned my way under His guidance. Even when He had to punish me – it was done with care and for my growth and development. He is still a dear and respected friend to me. He will always hold a special place in my heart.
As I grew, I found another Dominant that I truly loved and hoped to have a future with. Yes, he was married, but I was his only female submissive. He welcomed the fact that I had bisexual desires and encouraged me to explore them. He did not condemn my needs and desires because he was bisexual also.
It was a bit complicated how our relationship developed. We started as friends but it grew from there. I knew he had male submissives besides being married, which I was good with as long as I was the only female sub. With the love that I had in my heart for him, that was something that I truly needed in our relationship. However, as time passed, his need to have multiple subs brought an end to our relationship.
During the time we were together, he encouraged me to find a mentor to help me grow as a submissive. I was very nervous about this but with his encouragement, I finally reached out and found a most wonderful Mentor. For this I will always be grateful to my previous Sir.
My Mentor had two other subs, which was not an issue for me. I respected their place in his life, and since I only visited him on occasion – with prior approval from my Sir, I never really thought about it growing into anything more than him being my Mentor.It was always in the back of my mind that I was going to be with my Sir at the time. I was welcomed by his subs, and I always made sure that I showed them the respect of their position in his life.
After my previous Sir released me, I was not sure when I was going to be ready for another relationship. I was completely devastated. However, I took my time and let my heart heal. My Mentor was very supportive to me during that time. He and his subs surrounded me with love and I began to blossom due to it.
When I was ready for a relationship again – it was natural to ask Him to be my Sir. He accepted my submission and I was once again in a loving poly family. I love both of his other subs as family, and they show me love and support through all the trials I have gone through. Yes, as the newest sub, I fully respect their place because they have been with him longer and deserve that respect.
He truly loves each of us. All three of us feel that love every day. He never lets a day go by that He does not let me know how much I mean to Him. He is completely open with all three of us. He does not play games nor tries to deceive either of us. When He collared me, one of His other subs was holding my hand. I felt completely surrounded by love. Because He is open and honest with us – there is no need for jealousy. It truly is a loving poly family. I am truly blessed.
And THAT is what you truly have to have for a poly family to work. There must be honesty between the members of the poly group. There are some poly groups that just have Lifestyle relationships – there is no love – just service. And that is fine too, but there must be honesty and trust. Without honesty – there is jealousy and mistrust. And without trust, the relationship is doomed to fail.
I am not saying that poly is for everyone, or that everyone should try it. Only the people involved in the relationship can decide what is right for them. And the simple truth is – even in a monogamous D/s M/s relationship – without honesty, there is jealousy and mistrust. It is not monogamy that makes a loving, trusting relationship, but openness and honesty between the people in the relationship.